A bit about me

Hello and welcome to my blog ☺️👋🏻

This is my place to be really honest about what’s going on for me. I’m in my late 20s and my life is a bit of a mess. I have health problems. Mostly mental health problems.

I live with multiple diagnoses that make life really challenging at times. I’m not going to list them, at least at this stage, but for now, let’s just say my health is messy.

At the moment I’m struggling with an eating disorder. Something I’ve told very few people about. I’ve been in specific therapy for my ED for a couple of months now (via video calls because of coronavirus) but I currently don’t know whether my therapy will be withdrawn because I’m not putting the required weight on. With eating disorders you have to be in a position where you’re ready to consistently choose recovery. I’m not sure I’m there yet... I’m trying, but I’m finding it difficult. The truth is, I don’t really want to put on the required weight, which leaves me in a bit of a sticky situation. Eating Disorders can and do kill, so I know I have to take this seriously, but it’s hard constantly feeling conflicted and trying to choose recovery continuously.

I’ve also been depressed for a few weeks now. I’m not getting enjoyment from the things that normally uplift me. I’m feeling really down and miserable and unable to cope.

I potentially need antidepressants to give me a helping hand, but in the past they have pushed me deeper into depression, to the point where I have felt distinctly suicidal. This is therefore an incredibly difficult decision.

I’m under a psychiatrist, for a number of reasons. And I’m speaking to them again in a few weeks. I will discuss my depression and we’ll make a decision about my medications.

I also struggle with anxiety. I’m on a beta-blocker to help a little but it’s hard to increase that much due to the risk of it lowering my blood pressure to the extent where I faint. I’ve had a lot of difficulties with dizziness in the past.

I’ve been through things in the past that I may choose to discuss at a later date, but for now, I think that gives you all an idea as to what I’m battling currently. I’m finding life tough. But I’m trying hard to keep on keeping on.

To anyone currently struggling in similar ways- take each day as it comes and I hope things feel easier soon.. 💕

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